Gun Play

In 1987 I wrote a play. I had a stroke of good luck and had a commitment to get it produced by a locally respected company. This company produced its shows in a converted carriage house on the grounds of a mansion on the most famous street of our World Famous Resort.

My script called for a gun. Specifically: a .38 snub nose revolver. After we cast the show and started rehersals we started to search the prop collection for a suitable gun. Their collection was pathetic. A crummy little starter's pistol and some toy pistols. Nobody liked any of them.

One night, after the director gave his notes, the gun situation came up again. I told the company, "I'll get a gun."

In 1987 I was working for The Kid. The Kid was the mayor of our city. He was a few months younger than me--I was 34. He occupied that beautiful office on the second floor as the result of the spectacular political catastrophe that had consumed his predecessor. I had been in City Hall for nearly three years. My job had required me to become very well acquainted with all the people who actually did the work of the city.

So I had no problem calling up the Police Commissioner and discussing my problem.

"Charlie, I need to borrow a snub nose 38. I need it as a prop for a play."

"You wrote a play?"

"Yeah Charlie. It's going up in three and a half weeks. But we really need this gun."

"OK. I'll tell my assistant to make arrangements."

Yes. It was really that easy. An hour later the assistant called me up and told me the gun was ready. All I had to do was walk down the street to the decrepit Art Deco police station, head down to the armory, and pick it up.

I headed down Washington Street toward the station. The cop in charge of the armory asked me if I wanted it with the firing pin or without. I asked him to remove it. Ten minutes later I was walking back to the Hall with a .38 and a shoulder holster.

Nobody asked me to sign for it. That's right. I had an official weapon of the PD and there was no record of it anywhere. The City was lax that way.

After I got the gun, I realized that The Kid wouldn't be happy that I brought a gun, even a non-functioning one, into his office. I hid it in my briefcase. Brought it down to rehersal that night. I gave them a little talk about what became known to the company as The Gun. I showed it to them, told them the firing pin was removed, that it couldn't be fired. I squeezed the trigger a few times to show them.

Most of our women cast members wanted nothing to do with The Gun. A couple were interested. All the male cast members wanted to play with it. I paid attention to The Gun. If anything bad happened because of that weapon I (and the Commissioner and The Kid) were going to have a lot of explaining to do.

Nothing bad happened. The Gun, when it made its appearance late in the second act, was a big hit. The Kid attended a performance and never guessed (or asked) where we got the 38.

My biggest problem was giving it back. I had no paperwork for the revolver. Officially it wasn't gone. After a couple of weeks of frustration I ended up walking into the armory and dropping it on the counter. Told the cop in charge it never officially left, just put it back where it belonged. Then I left.

I never heard a word about it.